Turning 40: What Nobody Tells You (and What to Say)

Hello.

Forty arrived on a Tuesday, in the middle of something. There was a work thing, a school thing and a reminder from the dentist. You booked your own dinner, because everyone who loves you is exactly as flat out as you are.

Nobody describes turning 40 properly. The card says fabulous. The decade says here are seventeen reasonable requests, all due Thursday.

What turning 40 actually looks like

It is not a crisis. It is more of a pile-up. Work is busier, the people you look after need more, the money questions get bigger and your own time is the first thing to go. Inside, you are still about twenty-eight and slightly confused about who approved all this.

The hour, booked

Pick one hour a week that belongs to you. Write it in the diary in the same ink you would use for the dentist. When somebody asks for it, you need one sentence: "I've got something on then." You do not have to say what. It is true.

Saying no when every ask is reasonable

The hard asks are not the outrageous ones. They are the fair ones, one after another. A no does not need a speech. "I can't take that on this month" is a whole sentence.

When a mate rings with bad news

Somewhere in your forties, a friend will ring to say her marriage is over. You do not need perfect words. Listen more than you talk, do not rush to fix it and do not pick a side out loud on day one. Checking in again next week counts for more than you would think.

The number you are avoiding

Everyone has one. The mortgage, the super, the school fees, the car that is making a noise. Write it down. Say it out loud. Then take it to somebody qualified, like your accountant or a licensed financial adviser, rather than the 2am version of yourself. The same goes for the shoulder that has been sore since March: see your GP.

The book

Be Better @ Turning 40 is what the decade actually does, and what to say when it does it. It gives you the exact words for saying no when every ask is reasonable, what to say in the first ten minutes when a mate rings about her marriage and how to name the number you are frightened of before you take it to somebody licensed. No reinvention. No seminar. No sports car. It comes with a free printable Defended Hour card.

Betty xx